I'm like a butterfly easy to see but hard to catch
I was just holding it all back wasn't I...?As I see the sun in the sky through my room window.. I just sat on my bed.. and I am very sad and I know why...I didn't want to get to this point but hey I have and I am sure it'll pass..Life was full of sadness but also so much happiness.. It taught me so much in very little time... I opened my bag in which I just hid so many hurtful memories..as I opened it a tear fell on the bag... and I pulled out pictures of us when we went to mountain ski in new jersey...One of the pictures really got to me.. when I was at the airport and in the plane.. and I missed her so much that I stopped the flight and they blacklisted me because I did it 3 times in 1 year from that airlrine..I guess I really loved her eh? :P .. The picture was taken in the airport, me and her..I looked so different (Ofcourse more handsome now to add some laugh to this..) lolBut hey.. everyone.. life is going like a bullet... so much.. hurting so many.. going through so many.. I know I am not alone who feels sad or pain or hurt.. so many right now must be feeling like me..We all have our days don't we.. more than 2 years now.. but as I type this and pause and turn pictures.. I see the house we lived in... the car we drove.. the snow.. that cold weather.. amazing how it is bringing so many tears and goosebumps on my body...I know the next 10 years I'd feel the same... - It's not that I want to be with her again or anything but I don't know.. who knows.. you know.. Did she really marry me for the us passport? I don't think so.. because I felt she loved me those times when we were together....Sometimes I wonder.. if I ever crossed her mind.. or what she's doing... does she cry too sometimes...? I wouldn't know.. I met so many people in my life... - and many changed my life.... but I truly loved two ladies my x-wife.. and a arab lady I met in Kuwait.. who still is in contact with me.. but she's very strange...It's been 1 year and a half I know her she hasn't changed... - I guess some people like a lifestyle of just doing fun and dancing and drinking...? They don't know where the future is going.. but somedays they feel so broken and sad that they call you and cry...? You always are there for them.. but I guess they just don't want a '1' relationship type rather jump from one to another..it's scary... and don't even laugh at this.. I even met her parents and told them my feelings for her.. but I guess she didn't want that.. - It hurted but hey I'm alive right...These two people among so many other and so many other life events changed me entirely... when I look back.. who was I really.. who am I today.. and who I am going to be tomorrow... only if I knew right..what am I even saying.... on a dog and HAHAHA blog thing? :P Take careI guess crying it over so I feel better - Let's wait till next time!With heart, A Malik 'I never forgot you, I just never told you'
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