Monday, October 10, 2011

Too Much Hate!

I dunno whether I should apologize before posting this topic or not.. I don’t want my readers to read too much hate from me.. But sometimes you just wanna let some stuff out of your chest.. I am not a hateful person.. I am just going through a tough time..

Seriously? You are asking what’s wrong?! SERIOUSLY!!
I hate how men act like jerks! Oh or perhaps they are jerks! Do you really wanna know what’s wrong? So all what I told you the other day was nothing? All what I said the other day does not give me the right to be mad at you? No nothing is wrong! I’m totally fine! Look at me! Screw it…
I hate being the one who is over wanting, who is over loving, who is over caring! I cant give more than I get! I don’t wanna give more than I get! My life wont end here.. wont stop here.. I know this and you need to know that too!
Wanna see more hate?
I hate men
I hate liars
I hate betrayers
I hate love
I hate Monday!
I hate how I love you
I hate how I love you so much that it hurts!
I hate how I am feeling right now
I hate how I am counting the days down to end all this
I hate how all the people around me are upset now too
I hate the first two weeks in October
I hate freezing at work
I hate how you act like nothing happened
I hate how you know what’s wrong with me and you still don’t give a *&%! about it
I hate how you act upset like I am the one who is hurting you
I hate how you want me to act normal and speak normal when I am really angry at you
I hate how you know I am upset and you do nothing about it
I hate it when people ruin their second chances
I hate men? Yeah I know I’m repeating it!
I hate not knowing what I want
I hate not knowing what you want
I hate not knowing what will happen
I hate not knowing what’s in your mind
I hate how I wanna write more hates!
I hate how I am feeling
I hate how I am not writing all what’s inside me worrying that you might read it!

Too much hate.. I am just so angry.. It’s been weeks now.. Trying to act normal till I fed up with all this.. I can’t take it anymore.. Screw everything!

14 comments:

Bo-Ya3gooob said...

Allah y3eeenich, bes all i can say is that ray7ay balich, oo a9abi3 eedich mo sowa, not all men are alike... oo inshallah tilgain illy a7san mina, try not to think and worry alot ra7 tit3ebeeen...

amalikrunner said...

Close your eyes... and just imagine... you are alone in a place.. just cold air... no humans... relax... you deserve better but sometimes we must remember we get what we don't deserve as well to learn from it and to use it to our advantage.

You're not alone - we all have been through such emotions and moments - sometimes they last for days or even weeks.

I have gone through such hatred moments against everyone and we all have our reason for it... but after that hate emotions pass in few days we realize what we felt could be dealt with differently... but we acted on impulses that very moment which caused wrong reactions.

In this world we all will and do get suicidal thoughts (Some even do it) we all give hate thoughts against anyone and everyone for our various bad experiences in life.

I could counsel you all day but you will be better only when you let it out your chest (like you have through your writing or any other additional form of release).

You will only feel better in time and when you realize that you can have better and you can deal with issues in a better way, a more calm approach...

You must also believe if someone reallys loves you - they will do their best in showing you that not just talking and if thats not the case you must learn to develop that power of not giving in for less as life is great.

You have so much potential that you cannot ever imagine.. and you need someoe who will love you indefinately (And this is possible) ad therefore you can be what you are really capable of (even alone).

Life is great but not that great. Life is difficult but not that hard. Life is cruel but not that evil... :)

Take care of yourself, hope you feel better soon.

Sincerely, A Malik 'Hate is just a matter of moments'

Butterfly Chick said...

Bo-Ya3goob..
True not all men are same.. But most who corssed my life or whom I knew from myside or friends side are some jerks! Perhaps we are not good at choosing? :P no offense to any of you.. I just was little mad and I am better now.. Sometimes you just wanna talk and talk to let it go.. I shouldnt worry much I know.. I should leave everything on God oo ely allah katba ra7 e9eer inshalla :)
Thanks dear

Butterfly Chick said...

Malik..
I will do that.. I mean the relaxing part.. I am going to spoil myself to the max on October! & yeah I will spend money! This is what we girls do when we are upset isnt it? I will go to a spa, go shopping, buy new make up and buy some expensive stuff! I do wanna spoil myself!

I believe that hate comes from love! You cant hate someone unless you love him/her! It doesnt make sense right? What I mean, if you really dun care about someone then there wont be any feelings no love and no hate, but while u still have a feeling even if its hate then it means that u still love that person or care for!

To be fair here.. I might be harsh here in talking about the person I love, I usually talk about him when he upsets me! I dont talk about him when we share some lovable moments together! I love him so much and I know he loves me too! I do get upset at him and angry but this doesn’t stop me from loving him! Even when sometimes I feel I hate him, deep inside me I know I don’t!

He taught me many stuff that I will never forget.. He taught me how to wake up smiling.. He taught me how to be in love.. He taught me that life can bring you better things each and every day.. He made me love life more.. He made me enjoy life more.. He is a nice guy.. Sweet.. Kind heart.. Helpful.. I might not said that about him.. I might talked badly about him.. But this is just because I am angry.. He is the best thing that ever happened to me! Although I am going through bad times now, I am extremely happy with him!

BUT "I know I am being so contradictory" You cant wait your lifetime for something that you are not sure it will happen! & as u said "You must also believe if someone reallys loves you - they will do their best in showing you that not just talking"

Thanks dear & sorry for making my reply really long :P!

zainab said...

Ouch<\3 inshallah things get better.. Take care of your self*hugs*

M7md Ghazi said...

just chill girl !
to be honest men can be a pain the woho sometimes ~
alla y3enech :D w we are all here for you <3

äмän ♥ said...

Insha'Allah things will be awesome :)

sadia said...

*hugs*

you don't hate hugs do you? ;)

's' is for sadia

Butterfly Chick said...

Zainab..
Inshalla I hope so :).. Thanks dear.. Missed u :*

M7md..
Thanks dear for being here :).. Lol & yeah I need to chill I was so angry :$ lol thanks again :)..

aman..
Inshalla.. Appreciate it :)

Sadia..
hahaha I know I wrote too much hate :$.. No I dun hate hugs not at all! *hugs back*

amalikrunner said...

Great I applaud your decision. /me stands up and claps his hands literally :P – Money is made to be spent of course wisely but one must always take care of
him/herself.

Yes when we are upset any human we usually indulge in various things which give us pleasure and we don't feel so sad – for me I found running is best therapy for all my
solutions.

Sure hate comes from love – It makes sense if we evaluate it well (Sounds like a teacher?) – Sure even if we hate someone there is love in it.

I see great luck in that section.
Great – My x taught me a lot (Including maths and helped me pass my high school main examination) taught me many things about life – how to hang my clothes, how to wash them, iron, etc etc which I till this day perform them myself lol /me puts his brake can't mention what else she trained me at! :P

You're welcome – no problem.
Sincerely, A Malik 'I forgot her but not what she taught me'

Bahar said...

God with you and hate sometimes good, and I`m sure you are now better after this post :) because there are a lot of hate on it :)
I wish you a happy and beautiful life

Butterfly Chick said...

Malik..
Well thanx :P yeah I know money shud be spent wisely but I really need to spend!
Hmmm running! You've chose a good solution :P ! Its hard for me but its really good!
Well its good that we learn stuff from the people who passed in our life isnt it? :)
Good luck !

Bahar..
Yeah I am feelin much much much better! Thanks a lot dear wish u the same :)

r.alsharif said...

Hang in there, there're good and bad everywhere winshallah you meet someone who changes you mind xx

Butterfly Chick said...

r..
thanx sweetie :**