Living in the shadow!

I'm sorry..

How can someone say sorry when they are repeating what they do over and over again..

How are you supposed to say its okay when its not?!

How are you supposed to say its fine when it hurts so much?

How are you supposed to smile back to them when you have tears on your eyes?

I am hating this routine! Crying at night and wake up looking miserable!

I don’t understand you, I don’t understand how can you say sorry when you don’t know you’re sorry for what!

I'm hating your sorries, your promises, your words! I'm hating how you tell me you love me, you want me, you wanna be with me! I'm hating how your telling me your trying when your not! I'm hating how a month has passed and you are still doing nothing, how we are still in the same page.. I'm hating how actually its been more than a month for that, how every time I've been saying this time is different, how every time I'm trusting you, how every time I'm believing you!

You're sorry? You want me to close this subject and leave it to you to deal with? You don't want me to think about it because it hurts me and it makes me cry? You don’t want me to think about it because it’s effecting our relationship?

I feel stupid.. I feel stupid because if I knew someone else was going through the same thing I am going through I would say leave the guy he is not worth it! Leave the guy he doesn’t wanna be with you! Leave the guy because if he wants you he will do his best to be with you! I feel stupid because I can’t do this with you.. I feel stupid even when I know if you want me you will try harder, I can’t leave you! I feel stupid that I cry at night over my stupidity! I cry because you’re hurting me and I can’t let you go! I cry because I love you so much and you’re not appreciating it! What is hard? What is hard about us being together? You somehow make me think that all this will go eventually.. That this won’t work.. That I am a person who you are holding on until you find someone else who you wouldn’t hesitate in being with.. I am stupid.. Because even when I know all this.. Even when I know you can do better.. Even when I know you can try harder.. I still love you...

Sometimes it's difficult to see the picture when you're inside the frame... Perhaps that’s why it’s difficult for me to move on.. Because even when all these stuff are hurting me so much I still believe that you love me.. I still believe that you loved me like no one else did.. Maybe, I am scared to let you go because I won’t find someone who will love me as much as you do.. Maybe I am wrong.. & maybe I am right.. I just don’t wanna live in the shadow any more...