Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Living in the shadow!

I'm sorry..
How can someone say sorry when they are repeating what they do over and over again..
How are you supposed to say its okay when its not?!
How are you supposed to say its fine when it hurts so much?
How are you supposed to smile back to them when you have tears on your eyes?
I am hating this routine! Crying at night and wake up looking miserable!
I don’t understand you, I don’t understand how can you say sorry when you don’t know you’re sorry for what!

I'm hating your sorries, your promises, your words! I'm hating how you tell me you love me, you want me, you wanna be with me! I'm hating how your telling me your trying when your not! I'm hating how a month has passed and you are still doing nothing, how we are still in the same page.. I'm hating how actually its been more than a month for that, how every time I've been saying this time is different, how every time I'm trusting you, how every time I'm believing you!
You're sorry? You want me to close this subject and leave it to you to deal with? You don't want me to think about it because it hurts me and it makes me cry? You don’t want me to think about it because it’s effecting our relationship?

I feel stupid.. I feel stupid because if I knew someone else was going through the same thing I am going through I would say leave the guy he is not worth it! Leave the guy he doesn’t wanna be with you! Leave the guy because if he wants you he will do his best to be with you! I feel stupid because I can’t do this with you.. I feel stupid even when I know if you want me you will try harder, I can’t leave you! I feel stupid that I cry at night over my stupidity! I cry because you’re hurting me and I can’t let you go! I cry because I love you so much and you’re not appreciating it! What is hard? What is hard about us being together? You somehow make me think that all this will go eventually.. That this won’t work.. That I am a person who you are holding on until you find someone else who you wouldn’t hesitate in being with.. I am stupid.. Because even when I know all this.. Even when I know you can do better.. Even when I know you can try harder.. I still love you...

Sometimes it's difficult to see the picture when you're inside the frame... Perhaps that’s why it’s difficult for me to move on.. Because even when all these stuff are hurting me so much I still believe that you love me.. I still believe that you loved me like no one else did.. Maybe, I am scared to let you go because I won’t find someone who will love me as much as you do.. Maybe I am wrong.. & maybe I am right.. I just don’t wanna live in the shadow any more...



7 comments:

Anonymous said...

OUCH!
I feel you ,
i hope you and the person you love could solve this between you :) .

Maha

I'm Farsilla said...

i understand how u feel love. i was having rough time with him too! its killing me. :(

Silla

Standy said...

maybe its time to be strong and stop holding on and let go of him and your what ifs :(

*hugs*

THis is totally not healthy for you..

Anonymous said...

What i get from the tittle is that the person you love and he is supposed to love you doesn't show you that he loves you (in front of people ) right ? , if that's the case then i think that in true love a person shows that he loves you in front of people and when alone , he doesn't keep you in the shadow , if i understood wrong , please correct me !

p.s if that's the case then ditch him ,you seem like a wonderful person :)

Fatena

Leilana said...

I agree with Standy!

Butterfly Chick said...

Maha..
Thanks sweetheart :) ..

Silla..
I'm sorry to hear that! Guys sometimes turn to jerks :P.. I wish you all the best sis

Standy..
I know.. You've been telling me this long time, I guess all the people been telling me this, I dunno why I'm holding and on what exactly! I wish I was strong to let go...

Fatena..
I somehow agree, he would show his feelings infront of people if that is what he truly feels, or at least introduce me to his family or do something for me to be a part of his family! It is just complicated, how I feel and what I do!
Thanks sweetie, you seem like a nice person too :)..

Leilana..
All the people agree on this! Wish me luck

amalikrunner said...

Love? Friendship? Don't look, just go. Don't turn, just drive, don't stop, just move....

We're living in a dream and any moment you will wake up thats when you are dead. :)