Something I wrote long time ago..
How does it feel when you find that the love of your life is cheating on you?
Well.. First of all you live in the denial.. You just try to convince yourself that you are wrong.. And that person is not cheating and you are just making up things.. Second.. When they actually confess.. You try to convince yourself that you are dreaming.. And lay in bed with no tears.. You are just shocked and you wait to wake up from this horrible dream.. And when hours are passing and you are not waking up.. You realize that it is not a dream after all.. You realize that the person you trusted, you loved, you gave everything, is actually cheating on you and just dumped you for another love.. Calling them the love of their life.. After you were supposed to be their love..
I guess I should have known better.. I mean everything was obvious.. It was obvious that I was just a waste of time to you.. It was obvious that we won’t last.. But I didn’t want to believe all this.. I really thought you were the one.. I am hating myself to still believe that you might have been the one.. You just wish them to be back and thinking that if they come back now.. Before it is too late.. You will take them back..!
I am hurt.. Deeply hurt.. I never thought that he will do this.. I thought he was different.. Well.. They all come up with the different card.. But no.. He was different.. He made me different.. He made me a better person.. He made me think positive.. And he made me believe in love when I didn’t.. But wait.. He now.. Made me believe that love doesn’t exist.. He made me believe that all guys are liars and cheaters.. He made me believe that I shouldn’t trust anyone.. Because even if they are so sweet.. And even if they call you 24/7.. They will eventually.. Dump you like a trash..
I don’t want to sound desperate.. I know maybe I am.. But I don’t want to sound like this.. I don’t want him to know how weak I am.. I don’t want him to know that I can’t stop crying.. I don’t want him to know that I can’t eat.. I don’t want him to know that I turned to a dead person.. I don’t want him to know that all what I am thinking about is reasons to forgive him on what he did.. I don’t want him to know that all I am thinking about is why he left.. I am strong.. I know I am.. So I will get over him right? How much will it take to get over him? A month? Two? Three? A year..?
What I really wish to know.. Is he feeling the same? Does he miss me the way I do? Does he think of me the way I do? Is he feeling bad and miserable like me? Is he sure about what he did? He is not having doubt about his new love story? Does he remember me when he watches something we used to watch together, when he listens to something we used to listen to it together, does she wakes him up like I did? Does she sleeps and wakes up on his voice? Is she serious about him as I was? Does she really love him? Does he really love her? Does he love her more than he loved me? Maybe I am forgetting the fact that he never loved me..
Do I wish him the best? Or do I wish that he gets dumped as he dumped me? I am not a bad person.. I want him the best.. But still.. It is still killing me.. It still hurts.. "